Unsuspecting Tools for Improving Emotional Regulation: Everyday Practices with Profound Healing Power

Day-by-day: Reparenting yourself with fun, discipline, love and hope.

Introduction

When we talk about emotional regulation, we often think of therapy, mindfulness apps, or somatic exercises. These are essential—but sometimes the most transformative tools are hiding in plain sight. They’re the unsuspecting habits and everyday experiences that slowly teach your nervous system how to stay safe, present, and connected. For trauma survivors, these tools can feel more accessible, less intimidating, and just as effective.

Let’s explore some of these surprising yet powerful ways to build emotional regulation—quiet tools that often go unnoticed but can make a world of difference.

1. Drinking Something Warm and Slow

Sipping tea, broth, or warm water in a calm setting invites your parasympathetic nervous system online. The temperature soothes, the pace grounds you, and the ritual gives your body a signal: You’re safe now. Try doing it in silence and with presence.

2. Petting an Animal

The rhythmic, reciprocal nature of petting a calm animal regulates breath, heart rate, and even brainwaves. Animals offer co-regulation—a kind of nonverbal emotional attunement—that humans with trauma often missed in childhood.

3. Cleaning or Organizing One Small Space

No, this isn’t about productivity. It’s about containment. Creating order outside you sends a message to your inner world that chaos doesn’t rule anymore. Cleaning a drawer or making your bed isn’t trivial—it’s neurobiological therapy in action.

4. Watching Fire, Water, or Nature in Motion

Flickering flames, ocean waves, trees swaying—these offer mesmerizing, non-threatening stimulation that calms the limbic system. These stimuli help your brain downshift from fight-or-flight to rest-and-digest.

5. Light Physical Touch (with Permission)

Weighted blankets, firm self-hugs, or even laying a hand on your chest can reduce stress hormones and signal safety. Self-touch helps reconnect body and brain—especially if touch was dangerous in childhood.

6. Tending to Plants or Gardening

Taking care of living things without verbal interaction builds routine, agency, and relational safety. Watching something grow because you showed up is a subtle but deeply affirming experience.

7. Using Essential Oils or Pleasant Scents

Scents like lavender, vetiver, or orange can calm the nervous system through the olfactory nerve—one of the fastest paths to the emotional brain. Try pairing a calming scent with breathwork or journaling to anchor a state of peace.

8. Reading Aloud to Yourself

Reading in a gentle voice—especially soothing stories or poems—helps regulate tone, pace, and rhythm of your own voice. This soft vocalization reconditions your nervous system to associate your own presence with comfort.

9. Keeping a Consistent Bedtime Ritual

Routines help a traumatized body know what to expect. The predictability of a gentle wind-down ritual (dim lights, calming tea, light reading) sends cues of safety and reduces cortisol levels before sleep.

10. Smiling at Yourself in the Mirror

This may feel silly or even painful at first. But self-directed facial expressions actually shape internal emotional states. Smiling at yourself with compassion can rewire deep shame loops and increase emotional tolerance.

Closing Thoughts

Healing isn’t always about big breakthroughs. Sometimes it’s about stacking small, gentle signals of safety until your system believes it. Emotional regulation is a skill—and like any skill, it’s built one small act at a time. These unsuspecting tools might seem too simple to matter, but they work on the level where trauma lives: the nervous system.

Every time you pet your cat, light a candle, or sit with a warm drink, you are speaking to your inner child in the only language they truly understand: presence, rhythm, and care. Keep showing up. That’s the real work of reparenting.

References

1. Porges, S. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. W. W. Norton & Company.

2. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

3. Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger. North Atlantic Books.

4. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.

5. Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body. W. W. Norton & Company.

6. Malchiodi, C. A. (2018). Creative Arts and Play Therapy for Attachment Problems. Guilford Press.

7. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion. William Morrow.

8. Mate, G. (2022). The Myth of Normal. Avery.

9. Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness. Harmony.

10. Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT Skills Training Manual. Guilford Press.