Staying Grateful in Trying Times: How to Find Light Even When It’s Dark

Day-by-day: Reparenting yourself with fun, discipline, love and hope.

Introduction

When life gets hard, the idea of gratitude can feel like a cruel joke. How are you supposed to feel thankful when you're overwhelmed, grieving, angry, or barely hanging on? But gratitude isn't about pretending things are okay when they're not. It's about noticing the slivers of light even when the sky is dark.

For those of us healing from childhood trauma, staying grateful can feel unnatural or even unsafe. We may have been taught to ignore our needs, dismiss our joy, or brace for disappointment. But reclaiming the ability to feel gratitude—especially in trying times—is one of the most radical and life-affirming parts of reparenting.

Why Gratitude Feels Hard After Trauma

Gratitude can feel inaccessible when you grew up in a world where your emotional safety was never guaranteed. Instead of seeing the good, your brain might be wired to scan for danger. This is not a flaw—it's a survival strategy. But it's one that can be gently rewired.

Practicing gratitude doesn’t mean gaslighting yourself. It means building the capacity to hold both your pain and your joy. It means being able to say, “This hurts—and I’m still grateful I made it through another day.”

The Benefits of Gratitude in Difficult Seasons

Gratitude has been shown to:

• Improve emotional regulation (Emmons & McCullough, 2003)

• Lower levels of depression and anxiety (Wood et al., 2010)

• Increase resilience (Fredrickson, 2004)

• Strengthen immune system functioning (Miller, 2011)

• Support better sleep and focus (Digdon & Koble, 2011)

But beyond the science, gratitude reconnects you to the part of yourself that still believes healing is possible. That part of you that says, “Maybe I’m not done yet.”

How to Stay Grateful in Trying Times

1. Name Tiny Glimmers

   Don’t reach for the grand. Start with the smallest things:

   1. A breath you actually noticed

   2. Sunlight on your hands

   3. The comfort of warm tea

   4. One friend who checked in

These aren’t distractions—they’re doorways to connection.

2. Create a Daily Gratitude Ritual

   Each night, write down 1–3 things you’re grateful for. Don’t worry if they’re repetitive. The point is to train your brain to notice again.

   
   

3. Feel It in Your Body

   Gratitude isn’t just a thought. Let it land in your body. Breathe into your chest and say, “Thank you.” Not because everything is perfect—but because something is still alive in you.

   
   

4. Use Visual Anchors

   Place notes or objects around your home that remind you of moments of beauty or comfort. Photos, mementos, or even nature can gently nudge you back to the present.

   
   

5. Thank Your Inner Child

   Gratitude can also be directed inward. Thank the parts of you that kept going. Thank your inner child for surviving. Gratitude doesn’t always have to be outward—it can be a bridge back to yourself.

   
   

6. Make It a Conversation

   Ask others what they're grateful for—without judgment. Sharing gratitude, even briefly, builds connection and helps reinforce it in your own nervous system.

   
   

Closing Thoughts

Staying grateful in hard times isn’t about ignoring pain. It’s about building a nervous system that can hold both the pain and the possibility. Gratitude doesn’t mean you’re in denial. It means you’re alive enough to notice what still matters.

Every act of gratitude is an act of rebellion against the narrative that life is only suffering. It’s a way to reparent yourself—to remind the small, hurting parts inside you: “There is still beauty. There is still warmth. There is still something worth holding on to.”

You don’t have to feel grateful all the time. You just have to stay open to it. Even now.

References

1. Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389.

2. Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. A. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890–905.

3. Fredrickson, B. L. (2004). The broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 359(1449), 1367–1377.

4. Digdon, N. L., & Koble, A. (2011). Effects of gratitude journaling on sleep, interpersonal relationships, and academic performance in university students. Journal of American College Health, 59(6), 437–442.

5. Miller, G. E., Chen, E., & Cole, S. W. (2009). Health psychology: Developing biologically plausible models linking the social world and physical health. Annual Review of Psychology, 60, 501–524.

6. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.

7. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.

8. Hanson, R. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence. Harmony.

9. Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden.

10. Cuddy, A. (2015). Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges. Little, Brown.