Shifting to a Growth Mindset: Reparenting the Way You Think About Yourself

Day-by-day: Reparenting yourself with fun, discipline, love and hope.

Introduction

Growing up in a dysfunctional or traumatic environment can convince you that your value is fixed, that your intelligence is limited, or that your struggles are signs of weakness. This is the core of what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a fixed mindset. But when you begin the journey of reparenting, you’re not just healing old wounds—you’re reprogramming the very way you relate to yourself, to learning, and to life.

This is where a growth mindset becomes essential.

What Is a Growth Mindset?

A growth mindset is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed with effort, persistence, and learning. Unlike a fixed mindset—which says “I’m just not good at this”—a growth mindset asks, “What can I learn from this?”

This doesn’t mean ignoring your limits or pretending things aren’t hard. It means acknowledging that your brain, body, and life can change. And that makes growth mindset a powerful tool for trauma survivors who were taught they were incapable, unworthy, or broken.

Why Trauma Often Creates a Fixed Mindset

If your caregivers shamed you for mistakes, didn’t support your learning, or punished you for not being perfect, you likely developed a fear of trying.

That fear became internalized as:

• “If I fail, I’ll be humiliated.”

• “If I struggle, it means I’m stupid.”

• “If I succeed, people will hurt me anyway.”

These beliefs keep you stuck. They prevent risk, exploration, and most importantly—self-compassion. Reparenting means recognizing those thoughts as survival strategies, not truths.

Steps to Shift into a Growth Mindset

1. Name the Fixed BeliefsWrite out the voices in your head that say “I can’t,” “I’m bad at this,” or “There’s no point.” Don’t argue with them—just identify them. Awareness is the first step.

2. Reframe Failure as FeedbackInstead of “I failed,” say “I learned.” Each mistake gives you insight. This is not spiritual bypassing—it’s strategic reframing.

3. Celebrate Effort, Not Just OutcomeTrain your nervous system to value the trying, not just the triumph. “I showed up today.” “I tried something new.” These are massive wins.

4. Use the Word 'Yet'“I’m not good at relationships… yet.” “I don’t understand this… yet.” This tiny word keeps the door open.

5. Track Your ProgressKeep a small wins journal. Document every tiny thing you do that challenges the voice of shame. Over time, this creates momentum.

6. Learn to Love the ProcessThe journey of reparenting is full of messy moments. When you embrace growth mindset, those moments become meaningful, not just painful.

7. Surround Yourself with Growth-Minded PeopleCurate your social media, podcasts, books, and conversations around people who value learning, openness, and imperfection.

8. Talk to Yourself Like a Coach, Not a CriticInstead of berating yourself when you struggle, say: “This is hard, but you’re doing great. Keep going.” That’s the voice your inner child needs.

Closing Thoughts

Shifting to a growth mindset won’t erase your trauma, but it will give you a framework to heal. It helps you see challenges as invitations, setbacks as signals, and learning as power. Every time you choose curiosity over criticism, you’re reparenting your brain. And day by day, that shift becomes your new reality.

References

1. Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

2. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.

3. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

4. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.

5. Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly. Penguin Random House.

6. Fredrickson, B. L. (2009). Positivity. Crown Publishing.

7. Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner.

8. Ciarrochi, J., & Hayes, L. L. (2016). The Thriving Adolescent. New Harbinger Publications.

9. Seligman, M. E. P. (2006). Learned Optimism. Vintage.

10. Sapolsky, R. M. (2017). Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst. Penguin Press.