Shifting to a Growth Mindset: Reparenting the Way You Think About Yourself

Day-by-day: Reparenting yourself with fun, discipline, love and hope.

Introduction

Growing up in a dysfunctional or traumatic environment can hardwire you into believing that who you are—your intelligence, your capacity, your worth—is fixed. And worse, that you're broken. This kind of rigid, limiting self-view is what psychologist Carol Dweck calls a fixed mindset. It whispers, “I can’t change. I’m not good enough. It’s too late for me.”

But here’s the truth: You can change. Your brain, your nervous system, your habits, your voice—all of it. And the bridge to that transformation is a growth mindset. Reparenting yourself isn't just about soothing old wounds; it's about rebuilding the mental framework that tells you who you are and who you can become.

What is a Growth Mindset?

A growth mindset is the belief that your abilities and intelligence are not set in stone but can be cultivated through effort, feedback, and learning (Dweck, 2006). It is the opposite of a fixed mindset, which sees traits as permanent and struggles as signs of failure.

When you live with a growth mindset, mistakes aren’t shameful—they’re data. Challenges aren’t threats—they’re chances to evolve. And failure isn’t the end—it’s the classroom.

Why Trauma Locks Us into a Fixed Mindset

If you grew up with narcissistic, abusive, emotionally unavailable, or hypercritical caregivers, you probably absorbed one key message early: You’re not allowed to grow.

Instead, you learned:

• Mistakes equal danger.

• Vulnerability leads to punishment.

• Your efforts never matter.

This primes your nervous system to fear risk and resist growth. And yet—it’s precisely this system that can be rewired.

How to Shift to a Growth Mindset (Especially After Trauma)

1. Name Your Inner Critic Your fixed mindset is often a learned voice. Maybe it sounds like your parent, teacher, or an old partner. Get specific. What does it say? Write it down. Then say: “That voice is not me. It’s a program I inherited. And I can uninstall it.”

2. Use “Not Yet” Language Instead of “I can’t,” say “I can’t yet.” Instead of “I’m not good at relationships,” try “I’m learning how to relate in healthier ways.” This tiny shift is how you plant the seed of growth.

3. Track Progress, Not Perfection Create a “growth tracker” journal. Note when you try something new, bounce back from a mistake, or challenge a fear. These are wins. These are rewires.

4. Create Safe Failure Zones Practice failing on purpose in low-stakes ways—try a new recipe, speak up in a meeting, start a hobby you suck at. Remind your nervous system: “We don’t die when we try.”

5. Reframe Setbacks Setbacks don’t mean you’re broken. They’re proof that you’re moving. Reparent yourself by saying: “This is a rough patch. I’ve made it through worse. This is part of the growth.”

6. Celebrate Effort Shift your praise from outcome to process. Say:

   1. “I’m proud of how I stuck with it.”

   2. “I asked for help—that’s a win.”

   3. “I showed up. That’s the hardest part.” This builds internal safety around learning.

7. Surround Yourself with Growth Culture Curate your environment: follow creators, books, and podcasts that reinforce growth. Your mindset is influenced by the voices you let in.

8. Visualize Future You Who are you becoming? What do they think like? Speak like? Carry themselves like? Make that image clear. Growth needs direction—and that direction comes from vision.

   
   

Closing Thoughts

A growth mindset isn’t just motivational fluff—it’s a survival tool, especially for trauma survivors. Shifting your mindset rewrites the narrative from “I’m stuck” to “I’m growing.” That’s how you build a self that isn’t afraid to show up, to learn, and to evolve.

Reparenting means giving yourself a second chance. A chance to believe in your ability to grow. Every time you learn something new, take a breath instead of shutting down, or choose kindness over self-shame—you are already doing it.

References

1. Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House.

2. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.

3. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.

4. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

5. Fredrickson, B. L. (2009). Positivity. Crown Publishing.

6. Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.

7. Duckworth, A. (2016). Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. Scribner.

8. Seligman, M. E. P. (2006). Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. Vintage.

9. Sapolsky, R. M. (2017). Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst. Penguin Press.

10. Ciarrochi, J., & Hayes, L. L. (2016). The Thriving Adolescent. New Harbinger Publications.