How to Be Playful After Childhood Trauma: Reclaiming Joy, One Moment at a Time

Day-by-day: Reparenting yourself with fun, discipline, love and hope.

Introduction

After a childhood full of stress, neglect, or trauma, playfulness might seem… unnatural. Maybe even threatening. When survival became your primary mode of existence, the idea of “letting go” and being spontaneous can feel like losing control. But healing isn’t just about processing pain. It’s also about rediscovering the parts of you that trauma buried—especially your joy, creativity, and sense of fun.

Why Playfulness Feels Dangerous When You've Been Hurt

For many trauma survivors, play wasn’t safe. You may have been criticized for being “too much.” Or maybe your moments of joy were interrupted by a parent’s rage, a sibling’s bullying, or the constant threat of emotional withdrawal. So your nervous system learned: stay small. Stay serious. Stay on guard.

Even as an adult, this programming lingers. You might:

• Feel anxious when things get too light or fun

• Avoid being silly, expressive, or vulnerable in public

• Associate playfulness with being irresponsible or childish

But here’s the truth: play is not a luxury. It’s a biological necessity. It’s how we regulate, connect, imagine, and heal.

How to Gently Reclaim Playfulness

1. Start With Micro-Moments of Joy

Instead of forcing big expressions of play, look for tiny sparks: humming to yourself, doodling while bored, moving your body in a goofy way when no one’s watching. These are entry points.

They’re like knocking on the door of your inner child—without barging in.

2. Play Alone First (If You Need To)

If play feels vulnerable in front of others, begin privately. Build LEGO sets. Try adult coloring books. Dance in your room. Watch cartoons you loved as a kid. These solo experiences rebuild safety around joy.

3. Follow the Threads of Curiosity

Play is rooted in curiosity. What piques your interest? What would you do if no one were watching? What weird hobby or game did you love as a child? Following curiosity is like giving your inner child a compass. Let them explore.

4. Practice Embodied Play

Play isn’t just in the mind—it lives in the body. Try:

• Shaking your limbs like a dog after a bath

• Splashing water on your face with abandon

• Skipping down the street when no one’s around

• Playing with textures (slime, dough, sand)

These small somatic experiments help your body relearn what safety and joy feel like together.

5. Play With Safe People

Eventually, you'll want to bring your playfulness into relationship. Look for people who:

• Laugh easily

• Aren’t afraid to be silly

• Don’t judge or “one-up” you when you open up

Let those people be your playground. Healing happens in safe connection.

Benefits of Play in Trauma Healing

• Rewires your nervous system from chronic stress to flexibility

• Builds resilience and adaptability

• Restores your imagination and creativity

• Strengthens social bonds

• Enhances emotional regulation and joy tolerance

Closing Thoughts

Being playful after trauma isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about reclaiming the parts of you that never got a chance to grow. Your inner child doesn’t just want to process pain—they want to live, laugh, and explore. Every time you let yourself smile without apology, goof off without shame, or be curious without judgment—you’re not just playing. You’re healing.

Start small. Stay gentle. Joy is your birthright.

References

1. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

2. Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden.

3. Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory. W. W. Norton & Company.

4. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.

5. Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger. North Atlantic Books.

6. Cozolino, L. (2014). The Neuroscience of Human Relationships. W. W. Norton & Company.

7. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion. William Morrow.

8. Hughes, D. (2007). Attachment-Focused Parenting. W. W. Norton & Company.

9. Mate, G. (2022). The Myth of Normal. Avery.

10. Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body. W. W. Norton & Company.