Connecting with Your Inner Child: Reclaiming the Parts That Were Left Behind

Day-by-day: Reparenting yourself with fun, discipline, love and hope.

Introduction

For many of us who grew up in homes full of chaos, silence, violence, or emotional starvation, childhood wasn’t a place of magic. It was a battlefield. And yet, inside of each of us, there still lives a version of the child we once were: observant, imaginative, vulnerable, aching to be seen. That child holds the roots of our deepest wounds—but also the key to our healing.

Connecting with your inner child is not some fluffy new-age concept. It’s a critical piece of trauma recovery. Because until you learn to see, soothe, and protect that younger self, part of you will remain frozen in survival mode. Reparenting isn’t just about what you do—it’s about how you learn to relate to yourself across time.

What Is the Inner Child?

Your inner child is the part of your psyche that holds your earliest emotional experiences. This part of you:

• Carries unmet needs

• Holds memories of joy, fear, shame, and wonder

• Shows up in adult life through triggers, longings, and emotional reactions

Whether you realize it or not, this child is still active. When you're overwhelmed, people-pleasing, frozen, or rageful—it’s often your inner child taking over.

Why Connecting with Your Inner Child Heals You

When we ignore the inner child, we live in patterns of emotional abandonment. We:

• Repeat unhealthy relationships

• Struggle to feel worthy

• Act out of survival, not choice

But when we learn to connect with this younger self, something shifts. We begin to:

• Feel more emotionally grounded

• Recognize and respond to triggers

• Develop true self-compassion

You can’t erase the past—but you can give your inner child what they never got: safety, kindness, and connection.

How to Connect with Your Inner Child

1. Visualize and Meet Them

Set aside quiet time. Close your eyes. Picture yourself at age 4, 7, or 10. See where they are. Notice what they’re wearing, what they’re doing. Begin to form a relationship. Say: “Hi. I see you. I’m here now.”

2. Write Letters to Each Other

Write as your adult self to your child self. Then switch. Let the child respond. This helps build dialogue and trust.

3. Validate Their Feelings

When painful emotions come up, imagine speaking to your child self:

“Of course you felt scared. You weren’t safe. That makes sense.”

This kind of emotional mirroring builds inner safety.

4. Do What They Loved

Dance. Paint. Climb a tree. Watch cartoons. Speak in silly voices. Play. Let joy be part of your healing, not just pain.

5. Protect Them with Boundaries

Every time you say no to abuse, overwork, or toxic dynamics, you’re telling your inner child: “You matter now. I’m not leaving you unprotected.”

Common Roadblocks—and How to Move Through Them

• “I don’t remember my childhood.” → Start with feelings, not facts. Your body remembers.

• “I feel silly doing this.” → That’s your shame protector. Keep going anyway.

• “I feel overwhelmed.” → Go slow. Inner child work is a marathon, not a sprint.

References

1. Bradshaw, J. (1990). Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child. Bantam Books.

2. Firman, J., & Gila, A. (1997). The Primal Wound: A Transpersonal View of Trauma, Addiction, and Growth. SUNY Press.

3. Schofield, J. (2014). Daily Meditations for Healing the Inner Child. Health Communications.

4. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

5. Levine, P. A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books.

6. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.

7. Siegel, D. J. (2012). The Developing Mind. Guilford Press.

8. Mate, G. (2022). The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture. Avery.

9. Rothschild, B. (2000). The Body Remembers. W. W. Norton & Company.

10. Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the Body: A Sensorimotor Approach to Psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.